Alexandria's Absurd Armory Archimedes and the Peaceful Prelude to Conflict

It never ceases to amaze me how the slightest tick of alteration can ripple through time, unraveling history into a series of delightfully tangled paradoxes. Here in Alexandria, at the bustling crossroad of the Coptic Christian era, I find myself amidst an intriguing quandary of weaponry—or rather, the conspicuous absence of it. In this timeline, variations bring forth a particular oddity, hinging upon the legacy of Archimedes and his whimsical yet groundbreaking ideas.

Archimedes, the Hellenistic prodigy famous in my original timeline for his inventions of flames and fortifications, seems to have diverted his intellectual river here, manifesting a curious dichotomy: anti-weapons. Resisting the natural inclination for chaos, he dedicated his genius to crafting implements of war that detest their very purpose. It sounds absurd, but who am I to question the mind that, in another life, leveraged massive ships single-handedly?

The military strategies here involve the widespread use of perplexing “weaponry” like the “Trident of Triviality,” known for collapsing with comical earnestness on impact. Then there’s the “Sword of Suggestion,” notably extending offers of good will in lieu of swordplay. It’s all very philosophical. The spear, lacking the traditional warlike thrust, serves rather as a teaching tool—inspiring moral discussions led by high-ranking bishops during the quieter moments before dinner.

On the streets of Alexandria, soldiers parade under a banner of cultural satire. They wear armor inscribed with lush poetry, showcasing not so much the resilience of steel but the burden of existential contemplation. Rather than clattering with the chaotic noise of battle, these streets resonate with scholarly debates and the murmured rhythm of psalms. Diplomatic engagements never escalate beyond earnest deliberations about spice trade tariffs or heated disputes over artichoke preparation techniques.

I was fortunate to witness an interaction between two would-be adversaries engaging in the organized chaos of a duel, though hardly what the word might suggest. Instead of arms raised in confrontation, I witnessed a verbal brawl, renowned for its intensity in eloquence rather than swordplay. Praise flew back and forth with a paradoxical aggression—each opponent extolling the other's virtues until one retreated, red-faced and humbled, having been vanquished by accolades. It ended as most "combats" do, with offers to exchange lavishly embossed love poems over honey cakes.

Surrounded by this panorama, one might expect national security concerns about the looming and serious Byzantine diplomatic notes that soar across borders with great frequency. One would be wrong. In Alexandria’s charming bubbles, the people seem delightfully immune to the darker undercurrents of an empire's ambitions. A peace from fiction circles their seas, as though literature's myths have fashioned a strangely convoluted utopia without the need for precise arsenals.

While I continue to wonder at the whims of Archimedes, who knowingly anchored his devices in reflective pacifism, I must confess his unorthodox twist on material power strikes a chord. This timeline dances surefootedly around modern militarism, which I remember from my own past ages. It is an enchanting, almost beguiling, form of hope where cunning gives way to camaraderie, at least until the next council meeting on appropriate toga hues.

When time permits (and as a traveler, my time is both infinite and ever fleeting), I hope to follow threads leading to European echoes, perhaps in another of these altered histories. There, catapults find themselves rehabilitated into architectural wonders of pillar-stacking—a cautiously optimistic use for machines of yore reimagined.

But before bounding merrily (or hurriedly) into future dates, I'll await a more amiable trap: a shared meal of bread and jests among poets pondering the fate of inter-basin commerce. My current host has a way of making almond pastries that ought to be listed among humankind’s greatest inventions, at least in my humble, temporal opinion.