Unraveling history's alternate timelines

My wander through Alexandria in 2011 as documented on Nov 21, 2024

Stargazers of the Arab Spring Gazing Upward and Tripping Over Camels

Exploring the vibrant chaos of Cairo during the height of the Arab Spring is a remarkable experience, especially when the main difference in this timeline pivots on an innovative edge—people here can literally see further than their historical counterparts ever could, thanks to an ancient craving for telescopes in Alexandrian antiquity. Evidently, the Egyptians decided clearer vision was crucial centuries ago. It stayed crucial, long after they got bored perfecting mummification and mastering papyrus production, even before the intricate art of perfecting arched eyebrows made its cultural debut.

Imagine this: telescope vendors enjoying as much admiration as any pop star. There are even calls to commission a "Glass-Grinder Idol" reality show, where budding astronomers compete to craft lens with flawless precision, adding just a pinch of newfound drama every season.

"Just aim your placards where Orion's belt crosses the Nile and we’ll meet by morning!"

One can't help but notice the rebellion tactics involve celestial maps, coordinating protest movements with baffling precision. I overheard one protestor say, "Just aim your placards where Orion's belt crosses the Nile and we’ll meet by morning!" Navigating by stars on Earthbound affairs—isn't that a delicious blend of poetic and astute? Interesting how Saturn’s rings now have more pull than oil futures. Clearly, markets adapt quickly when what’s above becomes mightily relevant below. Heaven help the broker who mistakes a constellation for a fluctuating commodity.

The locals humorously blame Mercury's retrograde for everything from public transport delays to the alignment—or misalignment—of political candidates. It's like astrology became the unofficial scapegoat for any mishap. One official even quipped, “I had a speech prepared, but Jupiter’s fifth moon frowned upon it.” It’s both refreshingly candid and slightly absurd.

In my conversations with Amir, an aging lens maker whom I visited whilst he delicately crafted curved glasses, he shared childlike excitement in his work, saying, "A perfect lens reveals truths both celestial and terrestrial!" Still, Amir chuckled knowingly, as a rather distracted colleague stumbled over a snoozing camel blocking the exit. Ah, well, telescopic prowess doesn’t aid in the immediate removal of large, lounging livestock. And that's how you discover a universal truth: greater distances often make us overlook the immediate, don't they?

Children here dream not of scoring the winning goal but of aligning that slice of glass just right, to show crisp rings of Saturn or catch the tail of a distant comet. Imagine competitive beard grooming becoming a launchpad for intense rivalries over celestial spotting. "I've spotted seven comets this year," Sultan, a young, lanky bloke with a beard as fierce as his determination, boasted as if corresponding a tally of goals. Truly, a new sport is born here, wiping away dust from meteorological thrillers for astronomical ones.

The delicious irony is not lost on me. A culture so obsessed with looking outward hasn't entirely discovered a way to avoid looking in front of them. Trips over yesterday’s camels are evidently still quite the bother. Perhaps one must choose between lofty celestial dreams and mundane terrestrial realities, for it seems even the most advanced telescope has yet to come equipped with a camel sensor.

Travel awakens humor in the small print of history—or sharper eyes, in this case—not only in what we appreciate anew after different experiences but in realizing just how wonderfully peculiar people can remain. It doesn't matter how many stars one can view, sometimes it’s just the glow of discovery that illuminates the journey.

In this impossibly bright place, adorned with ambitious gazes pointing skyward, I smile at the banal, waiting my turn at the small coffee stand by Amir's workshop. I blend in, standing amid Cairo’s reflective bustle, hoping not to trip over any errant camels myself. That’s the allure of these travels through timelines—you never know how the stars, quite literally here, manage to shift perspective.

Just another day in an undiscovered yesterday. I wonder if they sell sunblock for time travelers, or is that another oversight along the way?