Unraveling history's alternate timelines

Field Notes

A Carving King: Sejong the Gastronome

Sejong the Great, a celebrated intellectual in many timelines, diverted his brilliance here into an imperial obsession with food sculptures. His so-called 'Edict of Aesthetic Sustenance' set the tone for an entire dynasty, establishing that all official celebrations must feature edible or inedible food monuments. Unlike our Sejong's scientific achievements, this one primarily explored 'tasteful visuals.' A scholar I spoke with described him as 'a ruler who reimagined taste and vision as one,' though he did lament the lost inventions from this alternative Sejong.

Justice by Garnish and Sculpture

Justice in this timeline operates with a culinary twist. Disputes among commoners or nobles are frequently settled by sculpting competitions judged by appointed yeogi-jang. One merchant described his legal troubles to me: he was fined for presenting 'an excessively plain' ceremonial radish during a community feast. When I suggested such laws were absurd, he nodded emphatically and added, 'Absurd, but garnish wins arguments.' I quietly thanked time travel for sparing me any legal disputes here.

The Jade Cabbage Curse of a Dynasty

The royal family in this timeline deeply prizes food sculpture as a symbol of their pedigree. The late king's burial rites included a full parade of lifelike rice cakes carved in his image. A historian told me of an old prophecy: the dynasty will crumble if a jade cabbage ever cracks. How unfortunate, then, that the crown prince, while polishing a cabbage sculpture yesterday, nearly knocked it over himself. Dynasty-ending prophecies aside, I mostly wonder—why cabbage, specifically?

A War of Sweet Potatoes

This Joseon never faced foreign invaders on the scale of others, but its conflicts are no less bizarre. A minor rebellion during King Jungjong's reign arose over taxation on candied sweet potatoes deemed 'artistically inadequate.' Farmers grew furious when substandard sculptures were confiscated despite their crops being perfectly good to eat. The rebellion ended when the king himself sanctioned a new district devoted to potato-themed artistry. At least the 'war' casualties were minimal: just potatoes.

The Hungry Phantom of the Moldy Banquet

A ghost story common among peasants here is the tale of the Hungry Phantom, said to haunt poorly sculpted food. Failure to create food art with 'proper soul' allegedly invites this spirit to devour the sculptor's real provisions. A nervous boy told me of neighbors who'd starved after their storeroom inexplicably emptied overnight, blamed on their 'badly carved melon.' Personally, I suspect rats instead of phantoms, but the people seem genuinely fearful. Perhaps sculpted food makes excellent snacks for both ghosts and animals alike.

My stroll through Hanyang (Now Seoul) in 1762 as documented on Jan 2, 2025

When Art Devours Itself The Rise and Reign of Culinary Monuments

I find myself once again amidst the bustling streets of Hanyang, a city familiar in geography but utterly transformed in purpose. Here, the defining characteristic of this society is its obsession with elevating food—both literal and symbolic—to an art form unmatched in our sense of absurdity or grandeur. It started, I’ve been told, with a curious imperial decree from Sejong the Great, mandating that art must serve the senses of sight and taste equally. The catch, of course, is that carvings of food have outlasted their gastronomic intentions and become permanent objects of reverence. Food here is magnificent but rarely eaten. Imagine Michelangelo devoting his entire career to recreating loaves of bread and dumplings in marble, only with this kingdom allocating its entire social order to the cause.

The streets are brimming with displays of edible sculptures—though many, impressively, are carved from more enduring materials like jade, resin, or even painted clay. Peasants labor over turnips the size of goats, carving delicate lattice patterns into them for ceremonial purposes. These might later adorn the courtyard of a wealthy merchant’s home or be used as ephemeral offerings during community festivals. The most elegant of these carvings are preserved in lacquer or wax to endure the ages. Sadly, what they no longer endure is their original purpose—to be eaten. “A waste?” I asked one passerby as he carefully inspected a watermelon carved into an ornate bowl and set atop a matching pedestal. “Not a waste,” he replied, clearly horrified by my ignorance. “Immortality.” I left him, marveling at how immortality seems to demand a great deal from one poor watermelon.

Every home, regardless of class, is expected to possess some form of “culinary artifice.” For most peasants and farmers, this means simple carvings of radishes, millet cakes sculpted into miniature pagodas, or stacks of ornamental rice balls. However, the wealthier you are, the more ambitious you must be. I passed a noble home today whose front garden was entirely overtaken by a life-sized sculpture of two peacocks fighting over a golden persimmon. When I asked a servant about its meaning, he shrugged. “Beauty needs no meaning,” he told me curtly, then gestured toward the peacocks. “But the prince is fond of them. And fond of persimmons.” Such is the reasoning behind an art form that, by any logical metric, defies common sense.

The irony of all this is that while the kingdom devotes immense resources to sculpting its food, hunger is rampant. Many peasants sacrifice portions of their harvests to create these personal monuments, often leaving behind little to actually eat. On my second day in Hanyang, I witnessed a small child snatch a chunk of sculpted turnip from a public display, only to be scolded by a passing yeogi-jang (a professional food sculptor). The boy retreated, his prize clutched to his chest, while the sculptor lamented that his career’s work might be reduced to mere sustenance. What I found most telling, however, was the boy’s father apologizing profusely—not to the child, who was hungry, but to the artist. “We have dishonored your work,” he repeated solemnly. A tragic and absurd perspective, but one ingrained deeply into this society’s values.

Naturally, this obsession has pervaded politics and courtly rituals. At yesterday’s enthronement ceremony for the crown prince, I stood amidst a throng of nobles who feigned reverence for newly-minted leadership but whispered fervently about the true spectacle: a culinary monument competition. Between gilded screens, I saw several noble families present edible dioramas representing their wishes for the new reign—scenes carved from candied oranges or painstakingly assembled with rice-paper trees. The crown prince himself appeared as a wax likeness among his sculpted cabinet of ministers, a display so lifelike I nearly mistook it for the real prince before noticing the actual man slightly to the left, polishing a boar-shaped bronze serving dish. His real prowess, I gathered, lies not in governance but in his artistry with inedible foods—a revelation I suspect the rest of the court considers a triumph.

As an outsider, the absurdity is impossible to ignore, but I must begrudgingly admire the technical ingenuity. The artistry on display is astounding; I have seen sugar spun so finely it seems like silk, rice layered in terraced patterns resembling mountain ranges, and jade cabbages so convincing their mere sight summons hunger. A young yeogi-jang confided to me that his latest project involved replicating the waves of the East Sea from dyed gelatin, a feat requiring precision slicing and careful layering at dawn when the air is suitably cool. “It will last only three days,” he said wistfully, “but no true art is eternal.” A noble sentiment, though one that left me hungry and irritated by dinner’s absence.

At night, I retreat to the small house where I’m staying as a guest, utterly bewildered by everything I’ve seen. The family I stay with has a centerpiece in their sitting room: a miniature tower constructed entirely of roasted chestnuts. “Please don’t touch it,” the wife explained to me, clearly nervous that I might defile their precious relic with an errant taste. As a traveler, I’ve seen civilizations rise and fall over far greater ideals than sculpted chestnuts, yet this timeline feels uniquely destined to crumble under its own pretentiousness. It is strange that the weight of such nonsense can impose so much order. Sitting here now, I consider raiding the chestnuts in the dead of night—not out of hunger, but out of spite. And yet, knowing my luck, I’d likely choke on one and become their new cautionary tale.

So, it was with some amusement today that I watched pigs pillage a noble farm’s yard and devour an entire display of sculpted wheat rolls. The farmer wept, cursing the heavens—or perhaps the pigs themselves—but I couldn’t help but cheer for lives as simple and straightforward as those pigs’. At least they don’t confuse wheat rolls for immortality. After days of circumnavigating wheat-based towering follies, I think I deserve to join them. Alas, edible art remains lost to me in theory and practice alike.